I did something stupid a few years ago and picked up smoking. There, I admitted it. I have to admit that up until this year, I was a secret smoker. I was only out to a certain group of friends and not to my family or landlords. It was a stupid thing to do and I really wish it had never happened - but it did.
It really was one of those things. It started as simple as, I kept going to fashion shows with a designer friend and kept borrowing her cigarettes. Soon I bought my own to keep going. I watched shows like Sex and the city which made it seem like something we were all in on. It was just a fabulous thing that people did. I spoke to a close friend who was quitting and she said, smoking was part of her personality and part of her identity as an alternative creative person. She said this while rolling a roll up fag in the wind....so part of that was to justify the effort of it. I have to agree though, I LOVE smoking. I loved being alternative, creative and we all smoke right? right?
Fast forward a few years.
I have recently noticed that my group of hardcore smoker friends are starting to split. Two of my closest friends have quit this year and it just isn't the same. A bitching session over coffee where the two of us would smoke ourselves stupid and at our leisure, is just me having a guilty fag out her window now. Also, smoking with the boy has become this too. It used to be us sharing a fag moment together and now, it's just me slipping out the front door of bars to the smoking area. Oh FYI, I have been told by boys as well that they hate my habit. My habit has lasted longer then boys.
Oh and smoking areas are about to become a lot less glamor filled too. Every summer, smoking areas become filled with nice people, fashionable people (go to the right bars for this) and hot people. Once it becomes winter, those people go back indoors and to the comfort of a nice warm pub fire. You become one of the people huddling under small shelters trying to catch a break from the rain and the wind alone. The hardcore are outside and it is not pretty. In fact, its bloody cold.
I am rapidly becoming sick of it. I'm sick of the guilty fags, the sitting in cold smoking areas and the shame. I want to quit. I've never posted about smoking here before because, I genuinely have tried to quit but also, because fashion people smoke but never talk about smoking.
Smoking is one of those things we all do but few admit to having an issue with. I have shared fags with the best of them. I owe my career as a make-up artist to having a fag with someone who then recommended me for a job and the rest is history, I have had fags with people who have given my inside scoops, tricks and tips over the years. The reason? Fags are a secret society with few members who stick together.
But it's getting harder. The prices have risen, there are friends getting health complications and friends quitting for good. There are multiple different ways of quitting and people are very vocal about them. So I am going to try. Better then that, I am going to post my progress here so we can all catch up on it and maybe, some of you will understand what it is to attempt. I am not saying it is going to be successful but I need to try.
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